How to Get Mom to Take a Step Back

The end goal is to have a happy wedding day! You definitely want your mom to be a part of it, so talk to her if she's getting out of control!

The end goal is to have a happy wedding day! You definitely want your mom to be a part of it, so talk to her if she's getting out of control!

If you’re a bride with an over-involved mother, try to appreciate her wantingness to be helpful in her own way.  Are you almost to the point of enough? Here are a few tips to get your mother to take a step back for your wedding plans.

Realize that more often than not, she is being overbearing from a place of love.  She is so excited and happy for you and probably means well!  Or maybe she’s trying to plan the wedding of her dreams, so she’s throwing her ideas onto you.   Unfortunately, she could be divorced and is trying to overcompensate and try to outdo her ex instead of focusing on your happiness and wedding dreams. 

A sticky area is when the mother is paying for the wedding.  If that’s the case and she’s just driving the ship too much, then take her to lunch to talk about it.  Be gentle and try to understand where she’s coming from, but make it known that your wedding is about you and your fiancé, not her and her expectations.  If you are truly unhappy about the direction of the wedding planning, let her know that you respect her and appreciate her paying for the wedding, but that your vision is different and explain why.  Have pictures of your wedding dreams, show her examples, and give reasons why you want things the way you do.  If she isn’t being respectful of this, then you may have to thank her for offering to pay for the wedding, but that you and your fiancé will pay for it from here on out.  Still include her in the plans, but definitely from more of a distance.

Give her a project or put her in charge of something.  If she’s craft, ask for her help with making favors, jewelry, send off supplies, etc.   Or if she’s technologically savvy, have her work on a playlist, slideshow, etc.  Or even put her in charge of something fairly large for the wedding plans.  For example, you could assign her the task of decorations.  Give her the money from your budget, and let her pick them out, arrange delivery and set up, etc.  Make sure that her “project” is something that she’s passionate about, so that she’ll be more likely to be engrossed in and excited about the project.

At the end of the day, it’s your mom and you want to have her at your wedding.  If she’s being too overbearing, ask her (in very gentle terms) to respect your wishes and that you want to do a bulk of the planning yourself.  Give her a project to keep her busy, and let her know that she truly IS important to you!  Remember, one day, you could be a mother of a bride – how would you like to be asked to take a step back?

Do you have an experience that you’d like to share?  Please share your comments below!



Thanks for the inspiration: Off Beat Bride and Inside Weddings!